How to Think Loving Thoughts and Write Outstanding Love Letters to Your Spouse

heart of gold,gold heart medalEvery four years, they come from across the globe. They have trained every day for hours and hours. They have imagined crossing the finish line first, climbing on a platform and having the gold ribbon hung around their necks. Yes, they aim to win first prize at the Olympics in their sport. They want to be recognized as outstanding.

Other articles on this site have given some of the mechanics for writing love letters, like the eight rules for personal love letters or writing to express your love and admiration during treasured moments. But one question is underneath the actually writing, “How do I write a positive and loving letter to my spouse?” What will make my letter outstanding?

Before I share a few insights that I have learned, let’s examine some of the current influences and thinking on marriage that can affect our thinking. Let me repeat the second half of that last sentence. Let’s examine some of the current influences and thinking on marriage that can affect our thinking.

Can You Be Positive in a Negative World?
We live in a modern society and age that is heavily influenced by various media. While each of us has the power to make our own choices, it is easy to get swept away by group beliefs that can program negative thoughts about marriage, a husband’s role and what makes a positive relationship.

The first powerful media influence is television. In the United States, movies, sitcoms and reality TV shows attract very large viewership. Whether we watch these shows or not, it is very common to have friends talk about what happened on the “show.”

Many of these shows diminish the positive role of husbands and play up to the conflict in a marriage for the sake of humor and entertainment. There are even cartoon shows in prime time that poke fun at the beleaguered, selfish husband who has to scheme to keep his wife from finding out about his exploits, whatever those might be.

The second powerful media influence is the popular print media such as newspapers, tabloids and “relationship” magazines. Headlines grab our attention and sell copies, so sensational revelations, celebrity divorces, separations, affairs and more.

For those who “buy in” to these stories, they can influence or weaken one’s thinking that this is the way marriage is supposed to be. So, what does this have to do with how to write a positive and loving letter to your wife? And even more so, what to write for a marriage greeting for newly married couples?

James Allen wrote a very small book with the self-evident truth, “we become what we think about.” If we allow our thinking to get swept away by absorbing the negative media messages about husband and wives, it will be very difficult to write a positive and loving letter. The answer is to create a positive environment that supports positive thinking and values. Where can you go to do that?

The Three Core Elements to Thinking Loving Thoughts
There are three simple ways that you can step out of the media mess and find that love area in your brain. Let’s look at these three ways.

First, find and join a network of loving, happily married couples. This could be a marriage support group or enrichment program at your church, a Marriage Encounter continuing dialog group, neighbors or families where marriage is valued highly.

Second, monitor your own thinking. Soak up positive thoughts about marriage and about your spouse. Recall the positive times in your marriage, the traits you admire most about your wife, and plan to do more activities together. In his book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” Dr. John Gottmann proposes a seven week course in fondness and admiration.

For five days a week, reflect on a positive thought and then take action on it. I’ve added another dimension by creating cards for each day and writing a note to my wife that I give to her. That really puts the money on the table when you share your thoughts like that. You are declaring your intent and being accountable at the same time. Try it. It will make a difference in how you consciously communicate with your wife.

Third, writing loving words to your wife hinges on your vocabulary. It is a common fact that women are more advanced in relationships than men. Men need to “catch up” in the emotional intelligence arena. Take some time to read love poems and examples of other love letters to get the language.

Ask your wife what she would like you to write to her. It is perfectly okay to ask for her help. Just make sure that you put the thoughts in your own words when you write her a positive and loving letter.

You may never win a Gold medal at the Olympics. That is no matter. You can build a heart of gold when you think loving thoughts and then take action. Write an outstanding love letter to your spouse today.

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