The Eight Rules of Writing a Personal Love Letter or Note to Your Spouse

Imagine playing a game of cards, where you have all the aces. You can play your aces one at a time. Each time you place an ace, you get more and more excited. After all, you have all four. Finally, when you play the last ace, you reach for the prize.

But you don’t get it. Someone stops you.

“Kings are high!” they say. “You have aces. Aces are low!”

What just happened? You expected to win the prize, but you didn’t. Why not? Because of the rules.

Personal love letters are one of the oldest forms of communication between a husband and wife. Writing a personal love letter takes time, thought and energy. And rules. Because without rules, you can’t win at writing a love letter than matters.

In fact, the success of marriage enrichment programs like Marriage Encounter, depend upon the willingness to write your positive feelings to your spouse. A personal love letter is a form of everyday honeymoon that you can give freely to your wife. Have you ever asked yourself, “What do I say in a love letter to my wife?”

Here are eight rules to follow.

Rule Number One: Make It Positively Personal
Anything put into writing can be read, saved and reread. The first rule for a personal love letter is to make it personal and positive. Love letters carry a message of worth from the writer to affirm the receiver. So, it is critical to make a list of the positive things about your spouse that you want to affirm. Avoid any criticism, ambivalent remarks. Let them go and focus on the positive.

Rule Number Two: It’s About Her (or Him)
A personal love letter is a direct communication to and with your spouse. Use the word “you” early and often. Share your feelings. My parents have been married for more than 60 years. On my mom’s 80th birthday, our family gave personal testimonies that we taped and made into a DVD. My dad stood up and used the song, “You Mean All the World to Me.” He choked up with emotion in front of us all and it was so powerful to witness the love he had for his wife. Make your wife feel special, too.

Rule Number Three: Start with a Special Endearment
If you have a special name for your wife, use it. Write a personal greeting, like:
– My most beautiful ______________ (your wife’s name)
– Dear wonder of my life
– You’re the best thing that happened to me

Rule Number Four: Make it Specific and Meaningful
With a little practice, writing a personal love letter can become a great habit! Make sure that the letter you write contains things that are specific and meaningful to your marriage, yourself and your wife. For example, you may write a personal love letter on the birth of a child, an anniversary, special thanks for favors done, or for any reason that you can find. (The more reasons, the more letters!)

Rule Number Five: End with Love
Avoid writing, “well, that’s about it.” Get creatively romantic. Use something that sums up your feelings and lets your wife know that you continue to love her. Use endings like: Forever Yours, All my love, With love forever, I am so happy you are in my life, You mean the world to me. Then, sign your name.

Rule Number Six: Make It Pretty
Wives love getting a special gift and the wrapping is often as important as what’s inside. In other words, unless you don’t have any choice, don’t write your personal love letter on the back of a paper bag. Make it pretty. Use special stationery (you can visit a scrapbook store and buy just one sheet for less than 50 cents.)

Or write your letter in a greeting card from Hallmark. Decorate it with a personal drawing like hearts or XOXO (shorthand for hugs and kisses), or use stickers.

Rule Number Seven: Special Delivery
Make sure your personal love letter gets your spouse’s attention. Use surprise. Mail your letter in a special envelope, like Priority Mail or through Special Delivery. Put the letter under his pillow, in her lingerie drawer, on the dinner plate or at the breakfast setting. Use your spouse’s favorite color envelope.

Rule Number Eight: Do It Again and Again
Trust and ongoing commitment rank high with every spouse. Write another personal love letter when you go out of town (I give my wife a card for every night that I’m gone), on Monday mornings, when she’s doing the laundry. Your marriage relationship will grow with love beyond your imagination as you regularly write a personal love letter to your spouse.

So, there are the eight, easy rules to follow. Use the rules and reach for the prize. You’ve won it. More love in your marriage.

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